Mini-Course Overcoming Fear

A Mini-Course in Courage

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“ I'm been doing alot of soul searching the last several years. I never realized how kind ignorance can actually be. I spent a lifetime assuming that nothing would change, that all I had to do was simply accept who I was and that was it. I never figured out how to accept myself because I had no clue who I was. Going down the path of self-discovery has been one hell of a trip and though I now have a better idea of who I am, not much has changed, I mean sure, alot has changed as my views and beliefs are different now, but I am not sure I am better off for it. I now understand what it was like for Eve when she took the bite of the apple. God didn't need to punish her for this, her punishment came when she was exposed to pain for the first time. Was it worth it? To leave innocence behind and travel the "glorious" path of knowledge?

I wonder this myself. I ask myself this constantly, was it really worth knowing who I am? Have I really grown or have I regressed? Sometimes I feel like I sold my soul for knowledge, just to find a new person that I don't even know. Sure this new person fits well, yet I still feel like a small child wandering the world aimlessly, seeking something.. but not really sure what it is I am seeking.. How did everything get so complicated? Sure, now I know that I am not crazy, and that all this supernatural stuff does exist, but I always knew that. Sure, I now know how to deal with it, some of it, but it seems like I had more control back then, during the days when there was no awareness other than instinct. I didn't question anything back then, I just reacted. It came natural to me, but now it's different.I traded innocence for knowledge. I traded courage for answers of that which I was afraid to know. I traded faith for more questions. I threw away everything I knew for deeper understanding of what I already knew. I threw myself away in order to find myself, just to loose myself all over again.

Knowledge isn't discovering new things, it's discovering what you already know. But somehow I already knew this as well when I started on my journey. What I didn't know is that the journey would be so long and so hard. So much pain, mainly my own that I carried for so long. I don't see the point of having to heal from it all. I often feel the need to walk away from it all, but deep down inside, I know this is a part of me and I know that which I desire to walk away from is the same thing I seek to heal. It’s not that I lost faith in God, I lost faith in myself and my ability to handle that which I am called to do. On this jpurney, not even God can save me from myself. This I have to find on my own, I know this, I’m just not sure I want to know anymore.

I can't help to feel that Eve also felt regret for choosing knowledge over ignorance. How she walked out of the garden with her head hung low in shame. Understanding that she threw simplicity away for complication when all along knowing the answers she sought was already within her. Following the light straight into darkness to have to navigate her way back through the darkness in order to enter the light once again. But she found it. The very moment she ate the apple she understood the purpose of the journey she had to make. Just as I understand why I must continue my journey. Pointless but with purpose. And through all of this tangential rambling, I finally see a small spark of light within this darkened abyss I have wandered through. A small sense of hope that this journey isn't in vain after all.

I wasn't meant to live my life within the compounds of my soul. I wasn't meant to rebuild the wall I so quickly tore down, I was meant to continue my journey and to grow and evolve into something different. To find my new path, to grieve all that was lost and keep moving forward. Courage isn't walking away without ever looking back, courage is grieving all that was lost and finding the strength within to accept it. For only when we lose that which is deepest within the soul, will we find it.”

I wrote the above entry during one of many darker hours. I knew I wanted to make a change but there was always something stopping me. I have studied and communicated with angels for several years and my angels kept telling me to have courage, but I didn't know what courage was. I never really took the time to figure out what it meant. When someone mentions courage we often think of a big burley man with a sword in one hand and shield in the other running full-speed towards enemy fire, fighting for all that is just and pure, brave and fearless. Obviously I don’t fit the bill, so I had a little chat with my angels. I told them that what they were expecting of me was to much, you can't ask a woman filled with fear to be courageous. I heard a little voice that said to seek courage. Reluctantly, I hopped on the internet and did my own seeking via the world wide web on the definition of courage and right in front of me was the definition: The ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

The synonyms include (also bravery, boldness, fearlessness). So I said to my angels again, “see, fearlessness...". They guided me back to several years before, back to the time when I became a single mother. My ex and I had just split up and I knew that I would be raising three kids on my own. I remember the day so clearly. It was New Year’s Day and I piled the kids in the car, packed as much as we could carry in the vehicle, left everything else behind and set off to start a new life in California. The first day went quite well as we traveled through 5 states that day. The one thing I always loved about the east coast is that the states can be traveled through in a matter of hours. It took us 6 days to get to California. The only plan I had was to check us into a motel room for as long as we could stay and to hopefully find a job. Thinking back, I could not think of one day that I was fearless. Every single day I was afraid. Afraid that we would have to live in a car, afraid that I wouldn't be able to put food in my children's mouths, afraid that one day we would be separated from one another. In all honesty, I was scared to death.

Again I went back to the internet with a little shove from my angels. After searching through several web-sites, I finally found it, the holy grail of definitions of courage: The ability to do something that frightens one. Exactly!!
Courage is not lack of fear, courage the presence of fear, fear that is so intense that it forces us to act upon it. A kind of fear that makes up push past the things and situations we are afraid of and to take action!!

The Angel brought me back and asked me to remember the rest of the story. Back to the weeks we lived in the motel room and I was able to find a full-time job. The days where I spent half the day applying for a higher paying jobs and looking for a better motel room that would accommodate us and the day I had to make the decision to go into the shelter because the money I was making wasn’t enough to cover the weekly rent and food. It was a humbling moment realizing that no matter how hard you work, it wasn’t enough. But it didn’t stop me and I kept working towards getting us in a better position. One day I got the call for an interview for a job that would give me a significant pay raise. And because we were in the shelter, it also gave us priority for a transitional housing program which we were accepted after a month in the shelter. I knew it was a stepping stone, but it was a start. This was a time of renewal and not just for our living conditions. This was also the time when I went head to head with God in search for spiritual truth and questioning everything I once knew. I look back and realized that at my weakest point, I had never been stronger. Courage wasn’t an emotion, it was an action. It wasn’t something I was seeking, it was something already within.

The path of the soul is a life long journey of self-discovery filled with many twists and turns. The comfortable life that we once existed in quickly changes and places us on a course of the unknown. Look at the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz. He was always afraid, he was so afraid he was afraid of his own shadow. So he decides to go with Dorothy and the Scarecrow to meet the great Wizard of Oz to get some courage. What the lion failed to realize is that the moment he stepped onto the yellow brick road, he had courage. Courage was already within him, yet he failed to see it until the very end.
His courage did not come from lack of fear, his courage came from his fear. His fear pushed him beyond the boundaries of his comfort zone and into the unknown. Pushed him to do something that he would not have otherwise have done. The action that he took due to that fear is what made him courageous. That is courage, it’s not being fearless, and it’s being filled with fear and pushing past it regardless. It is using that fear as a catalyst for change. If you have fear, you have courage, and if you have courage you have everything you need make positive changes in your life! Courage is taking action even in the presence of fear! All you have to do is access it, and the way to access it is to take your first step.

What is fear? Fear is an emotional response, like an internal security system that warns us of things that may cause harm to our wellbeing. Anytime we are placed in situations that create doubts or uncertainty, fear pulls out its caution sign and warns us to tread lightly. Emotions often lack logic, it simply feels and offer’s little or no explanation why it feels certain ways. Though there is usually a reason for it, consciously, we have to pick apart that emotion and figure out why it’s giving us that warning. Like a “check engine light” on your vehicle. The vehicle seems to be running fine and out of the blue, that light pops on. It doesn’t tell what is wrong, it just lets you know that something is wrong and you need to figure out what it is and fix it. Fear often runs on the same principle. It’s the emotion that trigger’s a sense of urgency within you to look into a potential problem. Like the light, it’s meant to grab your attention in a way that isn’t easily ignored so you will take the time to figure it out.

Sometimes it’s necessary to look at the problem that caused that warning signal to pop in and understand more thoroughly what that problem is in order for us to take action. It’s like the check engine light coming on and trying to turn it off without understanding what triggered it to turn on to begin with. It won’t work because it will just keep popping on because the problem hasn’t been fixed or resolved. Sometimes it’s a minor fix and we just flick a switch and everything is good again. Sometimes there are more serious beneath the surface that has been lingering for years that was never resolved. But we won’t know unless we examine further the source of the problem. Below I have a couple of exercises to help you discover and confront the shadows of fear and help you understand them better. This understanding will also help build courage, as courage is an action and it’s not easy going face to face with the things you have spent a lifetime running from. The journey alone is courageous and it is my hope that after doing these exercises, you will be able to access the courage that is already within you and to use this as a stepping stone to continue to remove the barrier that prevents you from creating and building the life you desire to have.

Assignment# 1 - Write down some situations in your past when you were afraid and how you overcame the situations. Never underestimate the power of childhood fears, they often bring with them much knowledge. It could be any situation, something as simple as going on an elevator even though you are terrified of them, to more difficult situations such as losing a loved one. Though the feelings still may remain, the situation has already passed and we are looking for the golden nugget within that helped you to get through this situation. If you are currently still in the situation, then write down each day that you made it through and the things that gave you strength to continue on. Take notice and be specific about what those fears were and ask yourself why you have these fears. Emotions run in layers, so be sure to keep prodding yourself for more information. You’ll be acting like the annoying friend that won’t stop asking questions and continue to dig until fully understand and have every detail of the date you had last nightJ This process of questioning and answering will uncover the truth’s behind those fears. You will be able to decide if they are legitimate fears that need work moving past, if this is part of a life theme that repeats itself over and over again and preventing you from living the life you deserve, if it something stupid and help you realize how insignificant it really is, or if there is a logical reason for it and something that should be considered or better understood.

Understanding those pesky shadows within us and confronting them head on show’s us how we cope in these types of stressful situations and what we can do to either minimize or completely eliminate the roadblock. Many times we may say we are not sure how we got through it, or where the courage came from, but understanding how we reacted or maybe who we called upon is a good way to understand the deeper meaning of courage. Remember, you made it this far and each day took strength and courage to get here. Follow this path to the depths of your soul and gain more power and strength through recognizing the great things you have already done through difficult circumstances. Courage is NOT being fearless, it’s accepting and understanding our fear’s and moving forward in spite of them.

Assignment #2-
Meditation:

Envision yourself as the cowardly lion. You are in the forest hiding within the shelter of a dark cave nearby. Many days you have sat alone dreaming about the things you would like to do. Spend some time dreaming about the things you would like to accomplish but were to afraid to try. When you are finished, ask yourself what is stopping you from doing it. If you are keeping a journal, write your reasons down. Now think about how you would feel if you accomplished this dream. Push all reasoning and excuses aside and see yourself doing what it is you love doing. Take a few moments to do this now.
When you are ready bring yourself back to the dark cave. Up ahead you see the sun shining through the mouth of the sun. It is so warm and bright. You walk towards this light. Shadows on the wall begin to move and take shape. They seem to be moving towards you. Suddenly your focus is no longer on the light, but on the shadows. These shadows are your fears. Acknowledge the fear by stating what that fear is. The shadows begin to whisper to you. They tell you to turn around but you don't want to. You want to reach the light. A shadow jumps out at you and blocks your escape. It blocks the light so you can only see a small sliver of light on the ground under the shadow's feet. The light gives you strength. You yell at the shadow to get out of your way and you keep walking. The shadow moves to one side and retreats back into the wall. The light is bright again until another shadow (fear) jumps out in front of you. This time the sliver of light is smaller but you barely notice as you stand up and tell the shadow to move out of your way. The shadow retreats back into the wall. You keep walking and a huge shadow jumps out in front of you, blocking all light from your path. You do not notice at all because you know that the light is on the other side. Instead of telling the shadow to move, you walk right through it as if it wasn’t there to begin with. You feel a coldness as you walk through it. You are surrounded by darkness but you keep walking forward. Your heart starts to beat a little faster and your breathe gets rapid. As you continue to walk, you close your eyes and see the light on the other side. Your breathe begins to slow down and you become calm. You arrive at the end and the air around you becomes warm again. The darkness begins to fade away until it’s completely gone. You are almost to the light, only a few steps left. Out of nowhere, another shadows jumps out of you and blocks your way. You do not notice it is there and keep walking. The shadow has no power over you and does not affect you at all so it returns to the darkness.
You have reached the light. There is an angel standing at the mouth of the cave, pointing towards a path. On this path are all of your dreams. All you have to do is take a step outside and all will be yours. The angel smiles and holds out his hand. You place your hand inside of his. You are so close. You begin to hesitate. You ask the angel for courage. The angel reminds you of the journey you just made. Where you were then and where you are now. Though you were afraid, you continued to walk and courage was with you in each step of the way. A warmth surrounds you. Your turn towards the inside of the cave and the shadows. This time with confidence. You’re proud of the journey you just made and you feel stronger, more confident. You turn back around and walk through the mouth of the cave and into the light. Your dreams are now in your grasp all you have to do is grab them. When you are ready, return to the here and now.

When you are finished, if you have not done so while doing the meditation, write down your experience. If there is still fear that prevents you from doing what you want to accomplish, do this meditation a few more times. Also journal or read back on times where you were afraid to do something but did it anyway's. Explore the motivation and what pushed you past the fear to keep moving forward. You are stronger than any shadow that jumps out. You have the courage and strength within you and as you continue to battle each fear, you become stronger and stronger simply by taking one more step.

Courage takes time so remember to be gentle with yourself and the people and situations around you.